After what we’ve all been and continue to go through, it’s perhaps no surprise that mental health issues have increased dramatically in recent years.
The fact that mental health is more of a high-profile talking point now than ever before is a good thing. It is helping us shed the stigma around the topic and brings it into focus as a challenge we should engage with proactively.
Like the old BT advert said, “It’s good to talk.”
But like all pieces of advice, on closer reflection, the wise answer most often seems to be, “It depends.”
Talking about mental health challenges in a trusted and confidential relationship can be a huge part of getting the support needed to manage and hopefully overcome any issues.
However it is important to understand our personal limits when discussing others mental health with them.
This may come across as counter intuitive, so allow me to explain.
Know thyself
Personally, I sometimes feel at a disadvantage when discussing mental health issues. I can sympathise but not empathise, because I am lucky enough to have never really experienced anything I would describe as a mental health challenge.
Despite my career in the military, I have never experienced PTSD. I don’t often feel stressed. I have never battled with depression or anxiety. I don’t often let obstacles get me down. When I do feel stressed, I am able to put things in perspective and bounce back reasonably quickly.
However, by recognising this about myself it helps me understand how I can and cannot help others. I can still be a great resource and support to those who are struggling but am better off leaving the more nuanced conversations to the experts.
Stiff upper lip
The reason I welcome the increased profile of mental health issues is that in Britain our social conventions have not always invited the necessary conversations around the topic.
Put it down to the traditional ‘stiff upper lip’ mentality, perhaps. But, whatever the cultural factors, it seems to me there are a couple of practical reasons why we shy away from these conversations:
- We might not be familiar with expressing and handling emotions out in the open which can impact our confidence to do so.
- We don’t know where the conversation will lead or what to do about it .
Often this type of uncertainty and discomfort can motivate us to withdraw just at the moment we could be helpfully proactive.
3 Skills to boost your confidence around mental health
Step 1: Listen
Learn how to be a good listener.
This won’t be the first time you’ve heard this advice and that is because listening is possibly the most important skill we are not taught at school. Plenty of public speaking but not so much public listening.
I find this really difficult because I am an extrovert and I tend to fill empty space with noise. I have to work hard to get comfortable with the gaps and the pauses.
In that sense, I have to work hard to genuinely listen to others. I have to consciously and actively listen and avoid the temptation to jump in.
Often, when a conversation goes silent, I become uneasy. Yet I am sure that the person I’m talking to actually values the fact that I’m giving them space to think and feel through what they want to say.
I believe that when a colleague or employee finds the courage to raise a mental health issue with us the very least we can do is give them our full attention.
If I can do it you can.
Step 2: Know what to do when you don’t know what to do
This is true of any problem to some extent, but never more so than in the case of mental health.
When someone comes to you to talk to you about the stress they’re under – or that they’re depressed – what we must be really careful to avoid is trying to fix them.. We could end up doing more harm than good. Pointing them towards the appropriate resource within your organisation is often the best thing to do.
Increasingly organisations have nominated ‘mental health first aiders’ who have some relevant training and are able to offer short term help while connecting the colleague with HR and more sustainable external professional support.
Step 3: It’s an ongoing process
Mental health problems do not go away overnight and need to be managed in the broader work context. Awareness and sensitivity are key to enable recovery and support ongoing wellbeing.
It is also important to manage our own resources and be careful not to take on too much of the emotional burden of colleagues. If we do that’s not good for anyone.
Take the opportunity to develop your listening skills, your emotional intelligence, and your resilience to be more capable and confident about mental health.
Mental Health Awareness Week is May 15-21, 2023. This year’s theme is anxiety.
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